my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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