they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
