Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We don't watch enough power rangers
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
