I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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