I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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