Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
