So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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