I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
