I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
