Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
