So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
