I'm gonna have a badass scar
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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