so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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