Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
