why didn't you poke me back
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
