I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
