I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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