the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
