you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
