I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
