I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
