I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
