Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
