she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my vagina is haunted
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
