it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
