I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will pee on everything he values.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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