If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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