Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
