just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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