Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
