dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
