and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
