HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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