matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so that wasnt chicken after all
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Randomize
