Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
