But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
