I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found a bag of teeth...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
