last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
