If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
