She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
