I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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