she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bring me that man meat
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
