All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
