You can't special order awesome
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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