Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
