You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
