I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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