you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
