this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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