there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
