Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
