Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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