We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
