I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
