she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
