There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
