think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
