I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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