I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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